Category Archives: Journal

Get into my crazy, imperfect world.

Why God Closes Doors

“We are all broken… I stand before you as a broken person.” -Bo Sanchez

On my spare time, I stumbled upon this video captured from the Grand Easter Feast held at MOA Areana this year (Which I failed to attend, of course).


Why God Closes Doors?

1) To prevent you from bigger trials.

2) To prepare you for better timing

“..the door opens at the right time..”

3) To press you to bolder trust in God.

4) Push you to brighter triumphs
“When things come late, it just means He wants something bigger For you”


Here’s the Part 4 of Bro. Bo’s preaching: Enjoy!!!! okay lang umiyak kung nakarelate! ๐Ÿ™‚

(I do not own the rights to this video)


My God

 My best friend who always understands every bit of me. Everyday, He whispers gently His words of Love, and embraces me with  arms of Hope. Sometimes, I forget to listen and feel, but He never walked out on me. Instead, He asks me to let Him carry my burdens, and soothes my heart as He tries to take away all the sadness and pain. He is the reason behind the smiles I give and the genuine happiness I experience amid the chaos. He holds my hand as we walk side by side towards the Garden of Light. I see His wounds and pierced hands then I remember that He died to save me, He suffered so that I may live. Who would be insane enough to die for me? It’s Him, and He does not even mind if I call Him insane because He always say that He is really that crazy over me- crazy enough to take care of the little details of my life. Oftentimes I don’t understand His reasons, and all the doubts and fears start to crawl over me, and so I always end up running away from Him in shame of not having enough faith. But He remains persistent, he runs after me- in fact He runs ahead of me so that He would be at my destination to welcome me back to His love. Many times that He told me to just ask and I will receive, and so I asked and I did receive. He never failed me though I always fail Him. He picks me up whenever I fall, and directs me back to His Light.

My cup goes empty always, but each time it does He fills it up. His capacity to provide, overcomes my capacity to receive. So, He completes me, and I offer every bit of my being to Him, my God, my King, my Everything.

God of the Impossibles


(I do not own the video and its contents)

This Christmas season is a meaningful one, if you ask me. A lot of things happened, especially on the eve of the Big Day when our family was asked to light the Christmas candle (white one on the middle of the Advent Wreath), aside from another memorable experience that I’ll share below….

As the choir sang the Alleluia to honor the Holy Gospel, Father Bernard approached the Lector’s podium to read the Gospel reading. Before he spoke, he turned to the three of us beside him and whispered “Magsha-share kayo ha.” I didn’t get what he meant right away, so I asked ate Malou- my co-lector, “Anung share?”. She then answered that we might to give some personal reflection on the readings during the Homily, which same thing they did last year. I panicked. Why didn’t anyone tell me that it was gonna happen? Should have I known, I could have requested not to serve for the Christmas Eve mass! Haha!

Father Bernard then asked for the choir to sing ” Be Not Afraid” to prepare for the reflection. The song somewhat gave me the peace that I need to think of what to share about.

After the mass, family, friends and strangers came to me and said that they were touched by what I said during the 30 to 45 seconds sharing. But their kind words were more a like a ring of a bell for me; I thought: wow, I was able to inspire them in an unexpected time and way. The funny thing about it is I thought that I was not getting the message across while I was speaking, because all I can hear was my heart beating so fast and loud because of nervousness.

I only remember very few of the points I said: about God’s response to our dreams, about trusting that God fulfills His promises, and about the statement that someone recently told me.

What I shared is similar to below insights (Ha! Thanks to the luxury of time and space in this blog entry! elaborate, elaborate!).

Two weeks ago, I was having a heart-to-heart talk with God. Of course He was just listening and I was doing all the talking. I laid to Him all my fears, and aspirations- all in full details (He is that patient towards me, haha!). I said, “Lord, all my dreams seem to be impossible. But you are the God of the Impossibles, and you make things happen. That is why I know all these will be fulfilled in Your perfect time.”

True enough a week after that meditation, two (2) among the things  that I asked, was given by God. Indeed, Miracles happen. hahaha! I thought: ” Si Lord, masyadong sineryoso ang mga sinabi ko. Action agad-agad?!”.

I was thinking, did I do something good that this Grace has be given to me? What about my mistakes, I’m sure God saw my mistakes; I’m sure He witnessed all the times that I failed Him. So why do I deserve all these?

I was contemplating about it for several days, until today. I realized that  whatever I receive now, is brought to me NOT because of anything  I have done. It is just that God is a loving God…He wants to see His children happy. So He gives His Grace freely, without judgement, without questions asked, even if we feel at times that we are not deserving recipients.   I figured out that no matter how many times I have run away from Him in shame of my failures, He has ever been persistent and consistent in saying that there is nothing I can do that will take His Love away from me. And it is just up to me if I would open myself to receive Him and His blessings. Ang kulit nito ni Lord! Grabe! I have almost given up on a lot of things, but He did not give up on me. I may have failed Him but He never failed me.

And He just gave me HOPE. Answering to two of the impossible things I prayed for, signaled me that He is about to reveal His answer to the rest of the things I lifted to Him. I once read a book of my favorite author- Bo Sanchez, wherein he said: “God’s will is planted in your Dreams”.  All those dreams and goals which I think are not only ambitious but also absurd, inconceivable and preposterous, will all come true because in His eyes, those are beautiful, holy and amazing dreams which He willed to happen after all.

“Come, follow Me… Be not Afraid”, the song sings. One special person recently told me, why should I worry about tomorrow when God is there to orchestrate His plans for us? And he has a good point.  In the old testament, God promised that He will send the Messiah, which is fulfilled in the New Testament as Jesus was born to be our Savior. We do not need to worry or be afraid after all because God always fulfills His promises and unfolds His plans in the best time and manner.

On the times when I would lose myself to the trials and difficulties of life… or if things get vague, I would read this post or sing the above song, or simply call on to my Savior and let Him embrace me with His Love. I am sure that He will be there to remind me that He is the God of the Impossibles.


—(a letter for my 30 years old self from my 80 years old self)—-


He shatters the equilibrium, pushes you out to your courage zone and encourages you to take risks.

For the first time, you let someone get into the mysterious corners of your life- those weird places in your self where you never brought anyone to.

He is an added sunshine- an amazing, wonderful person whom you never thought you deserve.

You know all about his flaws, but you accept him still and love his entire being.

You both live the most out of your individual lives: going around places, meeting a lot of people, and experiencing your shares of pain and joy. He is free as a bird, and you are alive as the wind. The end of each day is filled with intimate conversations about how the day went or about your dreams, missions and ultimate life purpose.

Together, you discover things and jump into the adventures of life. The entire world becomes your home because the love that you share is expanded to others. Christ is the center of such a romance, which makes it a lot more romantic.

You are a team. You agree on some of his crazy ideas or debate about some of his uncanny points, just for the fun of it. Laughters are music, tears are poems, and arguments are manifestations of endurance.

You both learn that Love isn’t a feeling or an emotion; rather, Love is a decision- a choice that calls for an action to give and receive. Giving a part of yourself, and receiving a part of the other. It is a decision to forgive, to be hurt, to be patient, and to be understanding. Thus, the fears, defeats, failures, and mistakes would never be grounds for shame because you know that each Pain is essential to mold one’s character, and to let your relationship grow.

Heartbreak is guaranteed, but he is ย there to restore your heart’s natural wholeness by all his means. He is your light, and you are his rock.

He is not a prince charming, but he certainly is a valiant warrior sent from Above. It is not a fairy tale, and you won’t live happily ever after because life is filled with trials. But your story has always been beautiful and filled with hope, and such lasts beyond a lifetime. Each page of your Book contains words that you have been writing together, always guided by the Hands pierced with the nails of Salvation.

So keep loving, keep smiling. The best is yet to come.ย 


Yours Truly,


Your 80 year old self

First Love

Sabi nila, there will be one person in your life who would always hold a special place in your heart, no matter how many years had passed.

Sa tingin ko, totoo yun.

In fact, it took me a lot of years to realize that. Truth is that I have loved this person ever since. Alam mo yun pagmamahal na walang kapalit, yung walang expectations. Yung simpleng saya na nadarama mo kapag nakikita, nakakasama, nakakausap, nakakakulitan o nakaka-chat mo siya. Yung masaya lang siya- masaya ka na rin, kahit malayo na siya o may gusto na siyang iba. Yung pag may chance na makita o makausap mo siya, tahimik mo nalang maiiisip na ‘wala lang, mahal lang kita’. Yung araw-araw mo siyang maaalala pero hindi magkakalakas ng loob na kausapin siya.

Minsan, parang sirang plaka na paulit-ulit na binibigkas ang salitang ‘paglimot’, pero lagi nalang nabibigong gawin ito. Siguro kasi hindi naman kailangan kalimutan ang nakaraan, kasi pwede namang ituring ito bilang isang magandang bahagi ng buhay. Minsan, pwede ring maging inspirasyon ng tula o kanta, o kaya ng isang random na blog entry na katulad nito.

Hindi pa kasi tamang panahon, o kaya hindi naman talaga para sa isa’t isa. Maraming dahilan kung bakit hindi natuloy o hindi na kailanman matutuloy. Mas okay nga bang ganito na lang, yung hanggang dito na lang ang istorya, at wag nang hayaan pang humigit pa doon ang sitwasyon? Okay na bang manatili na lang siyang isang mabuting kaibigan?


Today, I woke up with a smile. I can’t help it, I am thinking of you. I know that I told myself many times about letting go, moving on and all, but what can I do if you are the reason behind this smile?

As much I want to get mad at you, I can’t. It’s not your fault anyway that I had set expectations on my birthday. haha!

Aside the smile, I have this bittersweet feeling. I don’t know. Maybe I am just scared. Perhaps I fear for that day that I won’t be able to talk to you this much again. But I do not want to focus on this fear nor on the possibilities of pain and sadness. I want to focus on our friendship, of this happy feeling you bring to me before I sleep. I want to focus on these new memories that we make.

I wanted to see you, to hug you tight and tell you that I miss you.  But I guess it is not the right time yet. When would be the right time? Perhaps several months from now? Next year? 5 years or 10 years from now? Or maybe NEVER? I don’t really know, so I just want to live in the moment and celebrate whatever we have today.

I will just enjoy this warm, fuzzy, and happy feeling that you have brought to me today.